1.) Trader steps on scale: “YESSSS. Down two ticks.” 

2.) Husband pointing to a very up-and-down chart labeled “mother-in-law.” He says: “In conclusion, your mother’s historical volatility being what it is, we should not invite her to stay with us during the holidays this year.” 

3.) Kid asks: “Can I borrow 10 bucks?” Dad responds: “Sure. You’re lucky though–short term interest rates are at an all-time low.” Kid stares back blankly.

4.) Trader looking at a makeshift spreadsheet with things like “cat tree” and “cat food cost” listed as significant debits, and then “cuddles” and “purrs” being somewhat negligent credits. Trader to cat: “Upon reflection of the year end analysis, the P/L on you is not looking good.” Cat looks back at trader. 

5.) Trader gets text message: “Send dirty pic.” Trader screengrabs and sends their options position on tastyworks mobile app with caption: “My naked put.” 

6.) Trader to bowling opponent: “Based on your game so far, bowling a strike would be outside the 2nd standard deviation of your normal distribution. Good luck, buddy.” 

7. ) Trader, showing a picture of her and her boyfriend to friend, says: “So far, our relationship’s been in steep contango, but our first trip together could be a real make-or-break binary event.”

8.) Trader doing laundry. Spouse: “Why don’t you just put all the clothes in at once?” Trader: “I’m putting on one laundry tranche at a time to hedge against your new t-shirt staining my whites.” 

9.) Trader, handing spouse a silver piece of jewelry: “Yes, I know you wanted gold, but within the metals asset class, adding silver would lower your overall risk profile.”

10.) Trader watching their friend make a salad: “If I were you, I would increase the number of occurrences of croutons, to ensure the risk/reward ratio is worth it, per bite.” Friend glares back. 

11.) Trader, eating at a restaurant: “Can I get a fill on this water?” Waiter pours. Trader makes tastyworks platform fill sound: *Bringgg!!*... “Thank you.”

12.) A couple sitting at a romantic dinner. Woman says, “I just want to know where you think this is going.” Trader responds, as if reassuring her of his love: “I’m neutral to bullish on this relationship.” 

13.) Guy drinks milk, then makes face as if it’s gone sour. “Babe! We need to roll to the next expiration!”

14.) Parents on call with trader: “Hon, do you think you’ll be able to get down to visit us soon?” Trader responds: “Potentially sometime in the next quarter, post earnings.” 

15.) Trader opens fridge and sees it’s stacked with the same frozen meal. “Hey hon? We need to diversify our fridge portfolio.” 

16.) Trader calling dogs: “Bull! Bear! Come here, boys!” 

17.) Husband: “You think the pie’s done?” Wife, looking at watch: “No, it just needs a litttttle more theta decay.” Husband gives look.

18.) Couple at table. Woman says encouragingly: “Yes, I know we’ve been going through a rough patch, but we’re due a volatility contraction.” 

19.) Trader making a smoothie. Trader tries to suck through straw. “Agh. Too illiquid.” 

20.) Spouse holds up brochures for tropical vacations. Trader sighs. “How much buying power reduction will this set us back?”